I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
