he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
