Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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