I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
