everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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