so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
