im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
