if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
