I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
