i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I am naked and annoyed.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
