Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
