Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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