I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
