i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
