You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
