why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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