The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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