Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
