how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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