yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
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