i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
