So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
