I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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