not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize