So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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