I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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