We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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