i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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