Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
