Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
