I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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