is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
