also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
