why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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