Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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