Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
