theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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