If that was your dad, he is hot
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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