she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize