Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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