More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
