He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
