dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
