Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize