Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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