she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
