You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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