I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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