Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
