There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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