Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
