yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
