the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
