who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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