The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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