Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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