Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
