She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
