If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
