in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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