Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
