Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
