It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
