I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
