The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
