That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
