you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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