He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
