my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
