Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
