just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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