I hope mine doesn't look like that
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
not ubering you a puppy
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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